‘Sorry’ ISN'T ALWAYS ENOUGH

I was stuck in traffic the other day and some drama ensued on the other lane (Lagos is synonymous with drama, by the way). A commercial 'danfo' bus driver ‘pecked/brushed’ a ‘nice looking’ car and you already know… Grammar started and of course, the traffic situation there got worse...

As soon as it happened, the driver of the commercial ‘danfo’ bus, jumped down and flew to the boot to obtain a bottle of ‘brake fluid’. There’s a general belief around here that brake fluid can ‘erase’ any scratch on any car.

So, the driver profusely dabbed 'Oya Dab' the brake fluid on the dented area and was mindlessly spitting some half-minded ‘oga sorry joor’ in between the dabbing; the Car Owner continued speaking Grammar. I don't know how it ended, traffic eased up on my lane...

When my Benzes arrive, I will buy a koboko elenu mefa and a ‘camo item’ in each of them, as they arrive. 'Koboko elenu mefa' means ‘horse-whip with six tongues/fingers/branches’. The ‘camo item’ is just for effect, Nigerians generally fear soldiers and everything that seems to be associated with them.

I don’t have time for speaking grammar with anyone who drives irresponsibly and runs into me. Will your ‘brake fluid’ erase the scratch made on my car, and un-dent the dent? Even if I'm going to speak the Grammar ehn, at least 3 strokes of my horse-whip would have first landed on you wherever land-able and I'll be singing 'it's too late to apologiiiise, it is too laaate...'. 

And you know what? I would almost always get away with it. Because, like dogs, humans smell fear. So, if instead of shouting and getting worked up, especially with those commercial buses in Lagos, I first give you two lashes of kokobo back-to-back, and you see a 'camo something', your first reaction would't be to attack me… exactly! They don't usually fix your car anyway... but one day, somebody will lock me inside boot sha ....LOL

I knowww right, sometimes living in Oshodi UP ROAD! gets to me; but trust me, I am by no means a violent person, I'm just street-smart...LOL

Okay now back to the matter... 'sorry' is one of the Three (3) Magic Words we were taught right from when we were young, it's still my Dad's favorite word; and saying it works magic in obtaining forgiveness. However, just saying 'I'm sorry' is not always enough.

I realise this is a very non-exhaustive topic I have laid my hands on and I'd be a liar if I say I'm an expert on this topic because I'm still learning too. I have hurt people, people also have hurt me. However, I just want to drop 2 of the cents I have gleaned over time: 

It is humanly impossible to be perfect and not offend the people in our lives. But when you do, please apologise and mean it; then and only then do you have a great shot at repairing the relationship.

Express remorse, take responsibility, find ways to remedy the situation and don't do it again. I understand that in certain cases, making an apology could be daunting: your ego is in the way, the other person could 'rub it in', but just do it because it's the right thing to do. If you don't know how to say sorry, Google it (thank God we don't look like what we've Googled)

If you are the offended party, get mad, feel what you have to feel but don't let it get on top of you. Negative feelings have a way of getting the better of us very quickly, breeding a lot toxic emotions... don't give it that much room.

Sometimes, the other person doesn't even realise they have hurt you, or maybe they do but don't feel any need to apologise. Or maybe they even apologise but you can't tell it's not genuine. Please just let it go. You can't force anyone to 'mean it' when they say sorry. You should not give negativity any space at all. Don't do it for them, do it for yourself, because you love yourself and shouldn't hurt yourself. 

I understand it can be difficult to forgive and get over things. I especially know that in as much as you feel you have forgiven certain people, it's difficult to forget, especially 'hurtful words' (tell me about it... met this girl recently whose mouth was filled with so much bile) but if you put your mind to it and ask God to help you. Trust me, you'll be fine.

My name is Priscilla Adeboye, and those are my two-cents on 'sorry'. Please drop a comment, let me know what you think and share your personal experiences.

Unity and faith, Peace and progress

xx

NB: My friends and I consider me to be a peace-loving, non-violent person. So I was only joking about beating anybody up... I no fit :)

Photo credit: chatelaine.com, lovethispic.com