Have you ever tried and failed at something? Yes? No? What was your reaction or
comment when someone who wanted to try that same thing and mentioned it to you?
It is 3:44am and I just thought to share something I’m actively working on in my life, and it’s about not being like Alpha, Bravo, the Charlie and Delta in the scenarios below.
Here are some simple everyday examples to help you understand better:
- Alpha tried to get into the Nelson Mandela Washington Fellowship and after severallllll attempts, she didn’t get in, but then says this to someone who's trying to apply:
'Those NMWF people are looking for special talents o, extraordinary talents! (Note how she used the acronym to show that she’s on a certain level of familiarity with this fellowship – as a professional applicant). She goes ahead to say: ‘Can you sing the national anthem of Czechoslovakia backwards? No? Then you don't have the requisite talent to be selected. You know, out of over 5 million people who apply each year, they select only 5 super talented people’ (note the exaggeration). ‘Even me, I've been applying since the year Abacha died and they haven’t picked me... yada yada yada'.
Dear Ms. Alpha, whoever you are, that NMWF did not pick you doesn't mean they will not pick this other person! Y’all are running different races, allow them chase their own dreams.
- Another common example is:
'ahhhh you want to have only 20 people at your wedding? You're talking in the rubbish! That is what I said too, that I wanted 70 people, but I ended up having 2,000 people at my wedding; and my family is even smaller than yours. You know your extended family is related to the Ooni of Ife, Emir of Kano, and Jaja of Opobo, you have cousins all over the world plus, you're the only child? Forget it!!!! Better don't disturb yourself. Your parents will never agree, you sef, you're funny. Why are you stingy? With all that money from your Trust and career, you can entertain at least 50,000 guests'.
Hello Mr Bravo, is it your wedding??? Please understand that because you couldn’t have your dream 70-person wedding, doesn't mean someone else wouldn’t. People deserve to have their dream weddings, whether for 10,000 or 10 guests, whether in the North Pole or in Ile Oluji (I don’t know how these places popped into my mind, LOL), whether they decide to spend a hundred million dollars or just 100 dollars of their own money.
- 'As the only child of your parents, you want to have just one child? You're deceiving yourself o. Don't worry, you will make a mistake, shebi that's what I said too, but look at me today with my 25 children’.
OR
- ‘You want to wait for 5 years before having kids? Haqhaqhaqhaq. That’s the same thing my husband and I said o, but look at us today, we took-in on the wedding night and gave birth to quadruplets’.
Listen Mr. and Mrs. Charlie, some couples understand that once you have kids, you can’t give them back. They understand the responsibility involved in raising another human being and may not be ready for that responsibility at a certain time or for more than a certain number of kids. And unlike others, they don’t just leave it to chance, they take active steps to prevent their plans from being thwarted, if you know what I mean. Can we please desist from imposing our standards on other people who are well within their rights?
- ‘Eh ehn? You want to be a pilot? I wanted to be a pilot too o but the cost is too high. The fees are high and it’s also risky to your life. Your life can be cut short any minute. Plus, you won’t find someone to marry you. Even if you have a family, your partner will cheat because you will never be there’.
Ah ahnnn Ms. Delta, fear God! Pilots do not have 2 heads. I know a few pilots who are doing well in every wise: career, family, health, etc. Again, that you couldn’t achieve it doesn’t mean I can’t.
- 'Men are scum'
While this is not necessarily a failure on your part, I believe that your man may very much be a scum, but not all men are.
Myth Debunked
These are few scenarios of people trying to discourage others from pursuing certain goals because they (or someone they know) pursued similar goals and failed. Please, let’s stop discouraging others from pursuing their goals because we failed at achieving similar goals.
Work consciously on your mind and what it churns out through your mouth. Do not be a prophet of doom, a messenger of discouragement. When next you fail at something, objectively analyse why you failed and note the lessons, so that the next time someone asks for your counsel about it, you are able to proffer practical lessons you've learnt, instead of a thousand and one reasons you think they'll fail too. We also need to be more accommodating of other people's views, let's me more open minded.
Motives matter
Always check your motives. Are you discouraging this person from attaining this goal because you failed? Or do you genuinely believe it is a wrong step for them to take? When you genuinely believe they're about to make a wrong decision, by all means, speak up and state your inhibitions but then proffer (suggest) possible solutions or better alternatives that will help them achieve their goals.
You mean no harm
I understand that sometimes when we say these discouraging things, we mean no harm and we think we’re trying to set realistic expectations for people. How about we try to do that without necessarily crushing their dreams. And this is why we need to consciously keep those thoughts in check.
Finally…
Your words matter, use them wisely. Use them as a tool to make others better and not worse off. The Bible says: ‘Let your words be gracious, seasoned with salt...’
I'm now, more than ever, consciously working on being a source of ginger (encouragement) to people around me. I want to be the reason someone attained their goal and achieved their purpose, or made a right decision.
What about you?
Comments
Post a Comment